


The Auction

by jane_x80



Category: NCIS
Genre: Bachelor Auction, Charity Auctions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-10 00:38:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11680386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/pseuds/jane_x80
Summary: Abby coerces Tony and McGee into participating in a bachelor auction for charity but an op comes up suddenly, saving them both. Or did it?





	The Auction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jesco0307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/gifts), [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/gifts).



> This was originally supposed to be [jesco0307's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/pseuds/jesco0307) birthday present a few months ago, but I couldn't finish it and wrote her a different story instead. And in fact, I haven't finished writing the whole story arc. But after discussing it with [Red_Pink_Dots](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots) (look at the amazing artwork she created!!!) we decided to separate the stories into three separate stories in one series. So, please stay tuned for the next two stories in this series! I have some of the second story written but honestly, I have been crazily writing my NCIS Big Bang Challenge story (and I have a good draft of it now!) so I hadn't progressed this very far. But I will, hopefully sooner rather than later.
> 
> [jesco0307](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/pseuds/jesco0307), thank you for all your help beta-ing my Big Bang (and this story for that matter!) and for being an all around awesome collaborator, cheerleader and friend! LOL. And [Red_Pink_Dots](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots), thank you for all your amazing artwork! I am so excited about finally being able to let people see the cool work you did for this series! It is always a pleasure and a privilege to be able to be the vehicle for your artwork, and collaborating with you is always fun and rewarding. So, merci beaucoup!
> 
> EDIT: 06 August 2017  
> New artwork added to the end of the story because Red_Pink_Dots spoils us! See end notes for more information. ;)

[](https://i.imgur.com/ebSwiXN.png)

Anthony DiNozzo gave his immaculately tied bow tie a slight tug to adjust it, scrutinized his image in the restroom mirror, patted his hair one last time and nodded to himself. Showtime.

He strode out of the NCIS men’s room and back to his desk where McGee, already in his tux and looking uncomfortable in it, was fidgeting nervously. Tony frowned at the junior agent.

“At least try to look less like you’ve borrowed your dad’s tux for this,” Tony snapped at him.

“I didn’t want to do this, Tony,” McGee whined.

“Yeah, well, nobody does,” Tony pulled his gun and badge out of the top drawer, tidied his desk a little, and grabbed his backpack from under it. “But we couldn’t say no to Abby when she first asked us, what makes you think she’ll take it better if you back out now?”

McGee whined.

“it’s for a good cause, so unless you want Abby to whine and pout and maybe even punch you a few times, you better just suck it up and put a smile on that face,” Tony sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well, and well, maybe he was.

McGee sighed and nodded, pulling at his skewed bow tie.

“Oh for god’s sakes!” Tony smacked McGee’s hand away, untied McGee’s badly tied bow tie and quickly and expertly re-tied it. He patted McGee’s cheek and they nodded seriously to each other, psyching each other for their upcoming ordeal.

“Let’s roll,” Tony looked around his desk one last time, locked his computer, and beckoned to McGee who dragged his feet, but at least was standing straighter as he followed Tony to the elevator.

Both Tony and McGee had been roped into participating in Abby’s charity event. They had been strong armed into being two of the bachelors to be auctioned off for a date night at this event. McGee glared at Tony, who looked elegant and at home and maybe even a little James Bond-ish (not that he would ever say that in a million years to his Senior Field Agent) in his Armani tuxedo, while he felt frumpy and idiotic in his tuxedo. Maybe Tony did have a point about not buying off the rack, not that McGee had bought the tux. He’d rented it, from a high end rental place. But still, it felt obvious to him that Tony owned the clothes he wore – and not just because he’d bought the thing and had had it tailored to him – but because Tony had the ability to own and completely inhabit anything he put on his body, from his undercover outfits, some of them pretty ridiculous outfits, to the designer suits he wore to work, to whatever else he chose to wear. Tony was comfortable in his own skin, which made him look good in whatever he wore, and McGee always felt like the awkward ugly duckling next to the older man.

Just as they pressed the elevator call button, Tony’s cell phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID, he answered with a curt, “We’re not on call.” Dispatch sometimes tried to call him instead of Gibbs if they wanted to try to get the MCRT to take a case when they weren’t on call.

“Gear up,” Gibbs’ voice on the phone made him snap to attention. “Operation Big Fish is a go. Right now. Tactical gear for you, DiNozzo.”

“Operation Big Fish? Who names these things?” Tony whined and he snagged McGee’s collar before the junior agent could enter the elevator, and steered him back towards the bullpen. McGee looked at him in confusion, but followed his Senior Field Agent without question.

There was amusement in Gibbs’ voice when he replied. “Above our pay grade, DiNozzo. Get your ass in gear and tell McGee I want him to get the surveillance van right now. He can go as is. He’ll be coordinating the op from the van tonight.”

“About Abby…” Tony trailed away.

“I’ll let her know you two have other priorities and won’t be able to make it tonight,” Gibbs said. “We roll in 2 minutes.”

“Thanks Boss,” Tony grinned.

Gibbs grunted and hung up, which was polite for Gibbs.

“We’re off the hook, Probie! Big Fish is a go right now,” Tony dropped his backpack and started stripping out of his tuxedo right at his desk. “Go get the surveillance van right now. Boss wants you manning it tonight.”

“Yes!” McGee raised his fist in excitement. “No auction!”

“No time to gloat,” Tony grinned at his junior agent as he carelessly tossed his bow tie and tuxedo shirt over his chair, and slipped out of the polished dress shoes. “Go get the van. We have about two minutes before Gibbs kills us for insubordination.”

McGee grabbed his backpack and fled towards the elevator. Meanwhile, without shame or any kind of body-related embarrassment or self consciousness, Tony stripped out of the formalwear right there in the middle of the bullpen, threw them haphazardly on his chair, pulled open the cabinet where he kept his spare clothes, and pulled out and hastily donned his tactical gear: heavy, worn jeans, washed repeatedly to a nondescript dark gray color and his lucky steel-toed black combat boots. Usually he would wear a fitted long-sleeved black turtleneck over a tight black t-shirt, but the black turtleneck was nowhere to be seen so he grabbed the only extra shirt left, a light colored shirt with pale gray stripes and slipped that over a tight black t-shirt. Gibbs might grump at the fact that he might stand out in the dark but he had no choice. It was definitely time to do laundry and replenish his spare clothes drawer.

He strapped a combat knife on his thigh, a second backup firearm on his other thigh, leaving his regular backup strapped to his ankle and his primary service weapon on his belt. He slipped his badge into his pocket, threw more weapons into his backpack and then ran down the stairs. Gibbs would have taken care of getting the rest of the automatic weapons to be used for the op from the armory so he didn’t have to do that.

On the way to the docks, McGee drove the surveillance van while Tony, Gibbs, Ziva, Balboa and his team, and several other NCIS agents geared up further. Kevlar vests were strapped on, comms attached, inserted in their ears and tested, even more weapons strapped on and double checked. Tony was leading the team storming the rear, enduring Gibbs’ stinkeye about his light colored shirt by blithely ignoring it, and Gibbs the front, Balboa’s and Ziva’s teams to monitor all other windows and egresses of the warehouse in which the suspected arms smugglers were inventorying their new shipment.

It was going to be dicey. They arrived, and silently the teams moved into position on foot, McGee’s voice in their ear, coordinating everything. McGee had access to satellite feeds, and he had hacked into the warehouse’s cctv, and the dock’s security feed, and had found where the perpetrators were checking out their newly received shipment. When everyone was in position, McGee was to give the go ahead.

After Tony had picked the lock of the back door and his team quietly snuck in, ready to apprehend the runners with as little fuss as possible, Gibbs’ team rammed into the front door and burst in. The plan worked smoothly. Gibbs’ team took a little bit of fire, but mostly the perps tried to run out the back door where Tony and his team took them down. Any that tried escaping out of the windows or the side doors were rounded up by Ziva or Balboa. One managed to get loose in the back, but Tony gave chase, tackled him and brought him down. The man came up and slashed at Tony’s chest with a knife, hitting the Kevlar and slicing into Tony’s arm, but the agent blocked the next swipe with his forearm and slammed his fist into the man’s nose. After a short fist fight, Tony was able to subdue the man, and keeping his knee firmly on the man’s back, forcefully handcuffed the man. He patted the man down and confiscated all his weapons before dragging him back to the warehouse. However, Tony hadn’t escaped unscathed. One eye was starting to redden – no doubt it would turn into a spectacular shiner in the morning, – he had a split lip, and his arm kept dripping blood. But one of Gibbs’ team had been shot in the leg in the firefight and there had been a couple of injuries on the smugglers’ side as well. EMTs efficiently took the gunshot victims away. Tony allowed his arm to be stitched up at the site, but refused to go to the hospital as the EMTs had urged. He charmed them out of it, convincing them that a little knife wound on his bicep was barely worth it as he had a ton of paperwork to finish up. And if he had any complications, he promised them that then he could just go to the ER if need be, which of course, anyone who knew him would know was complete and utter bullshit. There was no way he was voluntarily taking himself to the hospital. But the EMTs didn’t know that.

But through it all, the op had been smooth and successful. Clean up was quick. They’d been able to apprehend and transport everyone and everything back to the Navy Yard with very few issues. Interrogations would be done after evidence had been processed, giving the criminals apprehended time to stew and think about the consequences of being caught, and Tony, McGee and Ziva turned in their preliminary reports quickly. All in all, it had taken them less than three hours from start to finish.

Tony was yawning, starting to crash from his adrenaline high when Gibbs’ phone rang. He muttered into it, finally nodding and hanging up.

“McGee, you’re still in your fancy clothes,” Gibbs said, eyeing him.

McGee jumped. He’d been tidying his desk, getting ready to leave. “I-I-I’m s-sorry Boss,” he stammered, smoothing his clothes down nervously. He’d undone the tie and it was hanging loose around his collar. “I didn’t have time to change and I was just in the van, and you said to get there right away so I didn’t get a chance to get in my tactical clothes…”

“No, it’s fine. That was Abby. She wants you at the auction ASAP. You can be the last bachelor they auction tonight,” Gibbs told him.

Tony snickered at the unexpected turn of events.

“Let’s go. I’ve been asked to drive you there,” Gibbs said. “DiNozzo, you’re with me too.”

Tony stared at Gibbs in surprise. “Um, I’m in no condition to be any kind of eligible bachelor anymore,” he looked down at himself. He’d stripped off what was left of the light shirt after the EMTs were done patching him up, leaving him in the tight-fitting black t-shirt, and the bandage around his bicep looked like it needed to be changed already. The knife wound had been quite the bleeder. His comms were still attached to him and hanging down around his neck, and his eye was definitely coloring up nicely, and starting to swell.

Gibbs eyed him, an appreciative gleam in his eye before he turned it more into a concerned look. “You’re in no condition to drive yourself home,” Gibbs said. “Ducky will have my head if I don’t drive you home tonight.”

Tony sighed. “Fine,” he agreed, since he’d been lucky to escape a trip to the hospital.

“May I come too?” Ziva asked. “I wish to see McGee be sold out at the meat market.”

“Sold off,” both McGee and Tony chorused, correcting her.

Gibbs nodded and Ziva clapped her hands and patted McGee’s cheek gleefully.

Tony grinned, grabbed his gun and badge, and yawning, followed his team to the elevator. He was still in his tactical gear, minus the Kevlar, weapons still strapped onto his body, but Gibbs wasn’t giving him any time to change and he really was exhausted. He knew he would be crashing soon and wanted to do that at home instead of anywhere else.

He didn’t even call shotgun, folding himself into the back seat of the Charger while Ziva and McGee squabbled over the front passenger seat. McGee lost the coin toss and slid in next to Tony while Ziva crowed “Sucker” and happily settled in in front of Tony. Gibbs climbed in, glanced in the back seat, shook his head at McGee who looked close to hyperventilating and Tony who had settled in and closed his eyes. He threw an ice pack at his Senior Field Agent’s chest. Tony jumped, sitting up and looking around wildly.

“Put that on your eye,” Gibbs told him.

Tony looked at the ice pack – it looked like one from Ducky or something the EMTs might have handed him – and he gave Gibbs a coy grin. “I rate a real ice pack, huh? I guess you’re out of frozen peas?”

“Use it before I punch your other eye out,” Gibbs muttered, suppressing a grin when Tony grinned happily at him, ignoring the fact that his lip split a little wider and blood started welling from it. Clearing his throat, he tore his eyes away from Tony’s swollen and even poutier than usual lips, put the car in gear and pulled away, tires screeching.

“Love you too, Boss,” Tony sighed as he leaned back and put the ice pack on his eye. He settled down, wriggled his body until he was comfortable, relaxed, and closed his eyes. And the next thing he knew, he woke up in the car and he was all by himself. He’d apparently crashed hard in the back seat if he’d slept through Gibbs’ driving and swearing through downtown DC. He sat up, looked around, and saw that they were in a parking lot by the venue where Abby was emceeing the bachelor auction. Gibbs and Ziva must have accompanied the Probie in. He yawned, stretched, felt his eye gingerly and although it felt a little puffy and tender, it wasn’t too bad. His mouth felt dry and icky so he popped a stick of gum in his mouth to do a quick refresh. He got out of the car, put the ice pack back on his eye and walked in, wishing he’d thought to bring a light jacket. It was too cold for him to be running around in just a t-shirt.

Gibbs and Ziva were standing along the back wall and he found them easily. He grinned at them and leaned against the wall next to Gibbs, taking in the sight on stage. Some poor schmuck in a white tux was being paraded on stage, Abby talking him up – how he liked long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners, had a successful career as a tax accountant, yadda yadda. Abby’s voice was husky and she made everything sound soulful and exciting, and the guy himself was pretty attractive, despite the questionable choice of a white tuxedo. Tony couldn’t help smiling as Abby opened the bidding and the crowded hall began raising their paddles and calling out their bids. He leaned closer to Gibbs.

“Where’s Probie?” he asked softly, leaning close to Gibbs.

“Backstage, shitting himself,” Gibbs smirked.

Tony grinned. “I’m just glad that I got out of this,” he shook his head. “Looks like a madhouse.”

Gibbs grunted.

“They’re gonna eat Probie alive,” Tony watched as men and women in the audience chattered raucously and Abby played the part of the auctioneer. Finally, the accountant was sold to a woman in her fifties, dripping in jewelry, for a grand total of eighteen hundred dollars.

“Abby’s nuns are gonna be able to build a few of those playgrounds for sure,” Gibbs leaned closer. “Keep that ice pack on your face.”

Tony obediently placed the ice pack back on his eye and waited while the tax accountant strutted his stuff one last time before he escaped off the stage to whistles and catcalls.

“This brings us to our final bachelor of the evening,” Abby announced. “Please welcome, Federal Agent Timothy!” No last names, and no real specifics about the bachelor were to be released. Only first names, a vague idea of their professional lives, and some of their likes and dislikes.

McGee stumbled out in a hurry as if someone had pushed him out from backstage. He righted himself and gave a tiny grin when the audience cheered him on.

“Timmy is one of my very good friends,” Abby continued, and McGee walked up and down the stage, warming up to the crowd, smiling out at them, even laughing when Tony straightened up and wolf-whistled at him loudly. “He is a field agent, is amazing with computers, and in his spare time he loves to write. Federal Agent Timothy just got done with work, and we’d thought he wasn’t going to be able to make it tonight when the team got called in at the last minute, but they finished up everything quickly and efficiently, and his team lead did me a solid to drive him here just in time!”

Gibbs laughed as Tony and Ziva catcalled the bejesus out of McGee and made him blush on stage.

“In fact I hear his team cheering him on way in the back there! Let’s hear it for Agent Timothy and his team!” Abby yelled, and the audience went wild.

Tony watched as McGee yelled something to Abby. They were too far away to make it out, but Abby turned to the back, catching Tony’s eye. “Well, folks, Agent Timmy just told me that his Senior Field Agent, who also volunteered to do this, has also made it here! Agent Timmy might not be the last bachelor we’re auctioning off for the night!”

Tony paled and looked down at himself, ice pack still held to his face. He started signaling to Abby, crossing and uncrossing his arms. Nope. No way. He wasn’t dressed for a gala, and wasn’t presentable, he had a black eye, was still in his tactical gear, hell, he didn’t even get a chance to take a shower yet. Goddammit, he was in no shape to go out that night.

“You’re gonna reopen that knife wound,” Gibbs took hold of his injured arm, stopping him.

“But…”

“Bite the bullet, DiNozzo. I think you’re gonna be up next.”

“But I’m not even dressed for this!” Tony objected. “I’m still wearing my tactical gear!”

“I will run and get the Kevlar. I believe that will raise your price. Women find dangerous men very attractive,” Ziva told them, and ran off.

“What the fuck?” Tony stared at Ziva’s disappearing back. “No! Abby! No!” Tony yelled at the stage.

Abby quieted the crowd. “Do you have a concussion, Tony?” she asked, pointing to the ice pack.

“Nope!” Gibbs yelled back, causing Tony to give him a despairing glare.

“Traitor!” he threw his arms up at Gibbs, who only smirked at him.

“How about your ribs? Any broken, bruised, or fractured ribs?” Abby asked.

“His ribs are fine!” Gibbs yelled back.

“Did he get shot tonight?” Abby asked, a little anxiously.

“Nope!” Gibbs again, replied.

“Well, then, nothing wrong with having our final bachelor of the night be Tony, right?” Abby asked the crowd, and the ones who had been able to see Gibbs and Tony standing in the back all hooted and hollered.

“Right! It’s settled. First we auction off Agent Timmy here, and then we’re going to close out the night by having y’all bid for Agent Tony. Look at him back there! He’s even still in his tactical gear! I think you’re all gonna _love_ Agent Tony.” Her New Orleans accent was coming out more than usual. “Y’all are just gonna eat him right up!”

The crowd went wild, and Tony covered his face and slumped back against the wall. McGee was jumping up and down and laughing at Tony having to not only still participate in the auction, just like he had had to, but that Tony was now forced to be auctioned off not dressed in his classy tuxedo, but instead only in his tactical gear. This made McGee giggle happily. Maybe now he’d see Tony not own the room, like he usually did.

“But now, we should turn our attention back to our now penultimate bachelor of the evening, Agent Timmy!”

McGee’s auction went well, with him now bright eyed and bushy tailed, laughing happily instead of being all nervous. He forgot to be self conscious and walked up and down the stage, engaging the audience, and Abby opened up the bidding.

After a flurry of excited bidding, McGee was sold to a woman in her sixties for twenty eight hundred dollars, which Abby announced was the highest bid of the night so far.

Ziva made it back to hear the final bid and cheered loudly for McGee before she strapped the Kevlar vest onto Tony. She had chosen a black vest that was unmarked, so as to not give away what Federal Agency Tony worked for. “It will complete your look,” she said, half teasing and half clinical. She stuffed the commlink hanging off his neck back in his ear. “Go and get them, my little hairy butt,” she told him, clapping his shoulder roughly.

“Let’s hear it now for our final bachelor of the night, Federal Agent Anthony!!!!” Abby yelled, and the crowd screamed loudly.

Tony rolled his eyes at her and tried to give the ice pack back but Gibbs motioned for him to keep it on his eye and jerked his chin to the front of the hall. Tony glared at Gibbs before he reluctantly marched up to the stage and climbed up the few steps. He walked up to the podium and in the guise of giving Abby a hug, he whispered “I’m gonna kill you for this,” in her ear.

Abby giggled into the mic and turned to glance flirtatiously at the audience. “Now y’all might wonder what sweet nothings Agent Tony just whispered in my ear, right?” she asked. The crowd responded with applause and hoots. “He just threatened to kill me for this!” she crowed, dimpling happily. “And look, he’s just come off the same op that Agent Timmy was on, and he’s still wearing his tactical gear! Everyone, please welcome, Agent Tony!!!”

The crowd went wild and Tony blushed and waved the ice pack weakly at the sea of people.

“I’m told that Agent Timmy was coordinating everything in the van, and Agent Tony led one of the teams on the ground tonight,” Abby continued, “which is why Agent Timmy was still dressed in his tux, and Agent Tony is dressed like the delectable hunk of an action hero that he is!”

Tony put the ice pack back on his face and shook his head, resisting the urge to cringe and run off the stage.

“Agent Tony is a senior field agent, and we’re not allowed to talk about what his work specialty is, because you know, it’s classified,” she winked as the audience went wild. “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Tony started laughing good naturedly and with one eyebrow raised began to grin to the audience.

“Rest assured that he is a _very_ special agent,” Abby declared. “He speaks three languages fluently, and in his spare time he enjoys watching movies and playing the piano.”

Sometimes Tony forgot his military school background, but when he was uncomfortable, it seemed it all came flooding back to him. He stood at parade rest, back ramrod straight, staring out at the crowd, one eyebrow raised, full lips pursed thoughtfully, his cheeks dimpling attractively.

Someone in the crowd yelled out a question, “Tell us what he’s wearing!!”

Abby laughed and motioned to Tony to twirl. Tony blew out a breath, made a disgruntled face and executed a graceful 360 turn on the stage, his combat boots thumping loudly.

“Agent Tony is sporting the SWAT-chic look,” Abby began. “Commlink in his ear,” Tony pointed to the wire spiraling up his neck and into his ear, “the very sexy bullet proof vest,” Tony thumped his chest and smiled at the crowd, starting to get into it. “On his oh so very muscular thigh, you can see that he’s strapped on a ka-bar knife – which model I’m not allowed to tell you.” Tony pulled the knife out of his thigh sheath, flipping it deftly in his hand and going into a defensive crouch, knife held competently in one hand. The razor sharp metal gleamed in the spotlight and the crowd went wild. He maintained the pose for a moment before he straightened up, shaking his head and smiling sheepishly, as he absently flipped the knife in his hand from one hand to the other and back, flipping it such that the handle and the blade went end over end multiple times, and then slid it back into the thigh sheath in one smooth motion.

“D’you guys want to see what Agent Tony is wearing under the Kevlar?” Abby asked the crowd, and the response was deafening.

Tony stared out at the crowd in bemused shock. “ _Really?_ ” he yelled at them. He shook his head and threw up his hands. “It’s just an old t-shirt!”

“Take it off!!” he kept hearing.

He started laughing to himself and decided to ham it up. He threw his ice pack to Abby who caught it with no trouble. Sultry music with a pulsing bass blared in from somewhere and Tony unstrapped the Kevlar and basically did a short Kevlar removal striptease, wiggling his hips and ass, shimmying himself out of the protective gear. When he was done, he stood, one hand on his hip, the vest hanging off of a finger of his other hand, a smile quirking his lips as he faced the crowd in his black t-shirt, jeans and combat boots. A far cry from what he thought he would be wearing for the auction. At least the t-shirt fitted him nicely, accentuating his broad shoulders, his pecs, and his biceps.

“What happened to your arm?” Abby asked, concern coloring her tone when she saw the blood stained bandage on his bicep.

Tony shook his head, telling her that it was nothing. And when she giving him her puppy dog eyes, he yelled “You should see the other guy!” He winked at the audience and the crowd went wild.

When Abby opened the bidding, it was a madhouse. There was fierce competition and bidding wars between different people of both genders. In the end, Tony was sold for ninety six hundred dollars to a handsome gentleman in a dark suit who appeared to be in his forties. He blew Tony a kiss, and the agent blushed and waved back. Gibbs gave the guy who’d won the final bid for Tony a death glare as he watched Tony do a final walk up and down the stage, even doing a graceful turn and giving the audience a smoldering look before he strode offstage.

The bachelors were all milling about and McGee practically jumped him, laughing and smacking his back. “Holy shit, Tony! You totally owned them!” he crowed.

Tony buried his face in his hands and shook his head. “I’m wearing a fucking t-shirt and boots for this, McGee,” he lamented. “I was supposed to be wearing Armani and wowing them with my sense of style. Instead I’m wearing this get up, and I’m beat up and exhausted, my head hurts, and I just want to go home now.”

“They just ate it all up, bro,” one of the other bachelors patted Tony’s back kindly. “T-shirt or not, you kicked ass.”

Tony smiled gratefully at the man before he scrubbed his face tiredly and gingerly fingered his black eye.

McGee looked at Tony’s face and sighed. “I’m gonna go see if someone can bring you another ice pack,” he said, and disappeared. He returned shortly with a baggie full of ice. “Gibbs sent you this,” he whispered to his Senior Field Agent. “And this,” he put three aspirins in Tony’s hand.

Tony was slumped against the wall, hands on his knees, trying not to slide right onto the floor. Gratefully he took the ice and gently placed it on his face with a sigh. He dry swallowed the aspirin and made a face.

“And we still have to go out with our dates tonight,” he grumbled.

“It’s for a good cause,” McGee muttered.

“What fucking ever,” Tony growled.

“You’ll feel better now that you’ve taken a couple of aspirins and later after your date feeds you. It’s been a while since we last ate and I know how you get when you’re hungry.”

“I guess so.”

“At least we have tomorrow off.”

Tony grunted and shrugged.

“Oh my god, Tony, you just got bought by a man!” McGee sounded shocked, suddenly realizing that Tony had been auctioned off to a well-to-do gentleman.

“Yeah, and did you see how much he paid for me?” Tony couldn’t help the pride in his voice.

McGee rolled his eyes. “Yeah but Tony, he’s a guy. A man. With you know, _man_ parts!”

“So?” Tony shrugged.

“You have to go on a date with him now! It doesn’t, you know, bother you?”

“I don’t have to sleep with him if I don’t want to,” Tony shrugged, half yawning, and in his half asleep state he wasn’t watching his words. “Although he was hot enough. Hotter than your cougar, you have to admit.”

“ _What??_ ” McGee stared at Tony in shock.

“What?” Tony snapped back defensively. “He _is!_ You know I’m right!”

“You don’t care that he’s a man?”

“Wouldn’t be my first date with a man, Probie,” Tony mumbled through a yawn. “Fuck, if they don’t get this thing over with and the dates started, I’m gonna be sleeping through this very expensive date. Then I’ll feel obligated to let the guy fuck me just because I feel guilty for sleeping through the date and the sheer dollar amount he paid for it will make me feel like I’ll need to make it up to him for him buying the most expensive and boring date in the world. Then what would that make me? You know what, don’t answer that, McGee.”

“ _Tony!_ ” McGee exclaimed, shocked. His eyes were practically bugging out of his head at the thought of Tony letting a guy fuck him. Tony! The ultimate ladies’ man! And the casual way Tony had said it implied that not only was it not Tony’s first date with a man, it wouldn’t be the first time he let a man fuck him either. He could hardly believe his ears.

Tony stopped fighting it and slid all the way down onto the floor. He was wearing his tactical gear, and he’d already rolled around in the parking lot earlier, subduing the fleeing criminal, so it wasn’t like his pants were going to get any more scuffed or dirty. What the hell. Who gave a shit about his old t-shirt and jeans? It wasn’t like he was wearing his expensive tux. He used the Kevlar as a pillow, laid on the side with his good eye down, and balanced the ice pack precariously on his face on his bad eye. “Wake me up when it’s time for the dates,” he told McGee. “And watch my six while I take a quick nap.”

And that was how McGee ended up sitting on the floor in a tuxedo next to Tony who crashed again from the second adrenaline high of the auction. One of the things that the MCRT learned was to take power naps whenever they could. It was necessary to get through some of their harder cases, and it wasn’t the first time McGee had watched over Tony napping through an adrenaline crash. Tony had done the same for him just as many times, too. He pulled his phone out and started messing with it to pass the time, ignoring the crowd of bachelors milling about. Despite his initial shock about Tony’s revelation about dating men, the sheer normalcy of sitting and being on Tony’s six while he took a power nap settled him right down.

A half hour later, Abby was gently shaking Tony awake. He blinked confusedly at her, coming awake with a struggle, but he didn’t protest when McGee pulled him upright. Tony yawned, snagged the Kevlar with his fingers – no use getting himself in trouble with Requisitions for losing a perfectly functioning bullet proof vest – and first he smiled and shook hands with McGee’s cougar before she whisked him away. And then, while he was still all muzzy with sleep, Abby was introducing him to his date for the evening. Tony gave himself a few minutes to freshen up in the restroom, handed off the bullet proof vest, the combat knife and extra weaponry to Gibbs, and the last anyone saw of him that evening was he and his date holding hands walking out, and his date courteously helping him into a chauffeured town car.

[](https://i.imgur.com/tcNYxlB.png)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually create a series until after I have the sequel ready, and I know I have a ton of sequels pending! LOL. But hang in there with me. This story works as a stand alone one shot but we do have more planned. [Red_Pink_Dots](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots) has already completed the artwork for the next two stories ;)
> 
> I did listen to music when I wrote this but honestly I can't remember any that stood out so, just my general playlist I guess. :D
> 
> Also I finally signed up for twitter! I am @jane_x80 (https://twitter.com/jane_x80) and I have no idea what I'm doing! I haven't even done my first tweet yet! LOL! Tell me what to do! :D
> 
> Again, many thanks to [Red_Pink_Dots](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots) for the awesome artwork!
> 
> This is for you [jesco0307](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/pseuds/jesco0307)!
> 
> Thank you so much! Hope y'all enjoyed it!  
> -j  
> xoxo
> 
> EDIT: 06 August 2017  
> There were requests in the comments for a Tony in Kevlar on the catwalk artwork and our lovely Red_Pink_Dots made one for us! Thank you Red_Pink_Dots!! You are made of awesome! :D I've added the artwork to the end of the story!


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